Currently...

I've only just realized I'm a very jaded person when it comes to love. I never used to be like this but since the end of a 2 month relationship (after being single for nearly 9 years) I don't care or acknowledge that kind of thing.
Sure, I -have- loved once, other times were my own forced illusions of wanting it to be that way. I've suffered countless rejections and pain and that's probably why I am the way I am now.

I never think of anyone I know like that, I don't have crushes anymore...none of it bothers me. I'm shy, dumb and awkward, I'm a monster when I'm drunk and twice as bad. Yes, I reflect and reminisce of times when it was different but that's because I -do- miss it, I miss -feeling- something...

I'm not stone, just tired, exhausted...jaded.

...This is probably why I'm having a lot of trouble with my relationship dialogues in my story ._.

...shit.

Evolution

I'm ready for this, my transformation.

I decided that a lot of the ways of life are ruled by all these deluded, rich motherfuckers who think it's their priority to tell us what's wrong and right, it's been this way since the human race began. I'm starting on the appearance, the inner sanctum of our soul, none of us look the same within, we all have different petals blooming in so many different colours. We are all born to be who we are, not who we are told, influenced or forced to be, simply what is inside our hearts. Stand alone and listen, truly listen to it's voice and embrace it's beautiful words.
We all must accept who we are and what we want, this is life, existence, there may not be anything else for us so why deny all glory?
Why put yourself through such torture?

I want to embrace the woman beneath my flesh, I want to reveal her to the world and show just what she is capable of...right here, right now, it's her voice that I can hear.

Miles Away - Carol Ann Duffy

I want you and you're not here. 

I pause in this garden, breathing the colour thought is before language into still air.

Even your name is a pale ghost and, though I exhale it again and again, it will not stay with me.

Tonight I make you up, imagine you, your movement clearer than the words I have you say you said before.

Wherever you are now, inside my head you fix me with a look, standing here while cool late light dissolves into the earth.

I have got your mouth wrong, but it still smiles.

I hold you closer, miles away, inventing love, until the calls of nightjars interrupt and turn what was to come, was certain, into memory. The stars are filming us for no one.